All births are different. And if you give birth more than once, you'll definitely realize that.

The most important thing in my opinion is that you, as much as possible, get the birth you dream of. Whether it's without an epidural, with an epidural, or a planned C-section – it's your body and your birth we're talking about. You shouldn’t receive advice or pressure from anyone, especially not from medical staff. Also, don’t think that you have to give birth without an epidural or have a vaginal birth when you would prefer a C-section. It’s not a contest about which woman “suffers the most.” In the end, all that matters is that every mom “wins” – no matter how she gave birth – with a baby in her arms. We’re all warriors.

To have clearer ideas about what I wanted for my births, I thought it was important to create birth plans. For my first birth, I prepared it with our midwife and my partner. For the second one, we did it on our own. Then, we were able to talk about it with a midwife from the Rennaz Hospital during an appointment around 37 weeks of pregnancy. This birth plan is then added to your file, and ideally, every person who enters the delivery room on the big day should read it. The hospital staff – midwives and gynecologists – are expected to follow it, unless there are complications or medical emergencies.

What I learned is to always stay open to other possibilities. My first birth plan stated that I wanted a birth without an epidural, in water. From the start, I told myself that if the pain became unbearable, I would opt for the epidural. And that’s exactly what happened on the day of my birth. I think being prepared for another option helped me feel less disappointed about not following my initial plan.

My second birth plan was the same as the first, except “natural birth” was replaced with “epidural preferred.” I also emphasized that we wanted calm, dimmed lights, and no shouting. This was already noted in the birth plan for my first birth, but unfortunately, a gynecologist present decided to yell at me while I was pushing, which really upset me and made that moment difficult to get over.

I also wrote that I wanted delayed cord clamping, something that's standard practice nowadays. And if your partner wants to cut the cord, rest assured that the hospital staff will offer it to them.

To briefly share my birth experiences* and show you that each one is different, here’s what happened. For my first birth, I couldn’t give birth on my side like I wanted. I needed help from a gynecologist who used a small suction cup to help my son’s head out. So, in a gynecological position, lying on my back, legs in the air, with a total of five people around me. Everything I didn’t want! For my second birth, I was able to give birth on my side, with just the midwife and my partner, with no instruments involved. My dream birth. That doesn’t mean the moment with my daughter was better or worse than with my son. It simply means that for this second birth, I felt safe, and my privacy, my body, and I were respected.

Know that after your baby is born, you still need to expel the placenta and possibly be stitched up if there was any tearing during delivery.

After spending a few hours in the delivery room where your baby is measured and weighed, and if you’re breastfeeding, you’ll do the welcome feed, and both you and the other parent can have skin-to-skin time with your baby, it’s time to go to your room. If you’re lucky, you'll be alone, and your partner can stay with you during the nights. If the maternity ward is overbooked, like it was for both of my births, another mom and her baby will be in the room, and your partner won’t be able to stay overnight.

I’ll also warn you that not long after birth, you’ll start experiencing afterpains. They’ll be more intense when you’re breastfeeding. These are contractions-like pains necessary to reduce bleeding and allow your uterus to return to its normal size. They’ll be more painful after your second birth and even more after your third, and so on. The hospital will give you painkillers and anti-inflammatory medications to help relieve the discomfort.

During your stay at the maternity hospital, midwives are available 24/7 to answer your questions and assist you. There are also pediatric exams for your baby and a gynecologist who will check on you. Personally, I had two very pleasant hospital stays, surrounded by very attentive and caring staff. But I still wanted to go home quickly, so I stayed just a day and a half at the hospital both times and was able to leave after a pediatric check-up and the doctor’s approval. Know that if you leave the hospital before your baby is 48 hours old, you’ll need to visit your pediatrician the following week instead of waiting until your baby’s one-month check-up.

To wrap up, I’ll say it again: you have the right to experience the birth you want (if there are no complications). No gynecologist or other doctor should make you experience anything different from what you have planned. Your partner has the right, at the time, to remind the staff in the room of your birth wishes. This moment is YOURS, and no one has the right to ruin it.

P.S.: My thoughts go out to all the moms who weren’t able to have their dream birth due to complications.

*If you’re interested in a more detailed account of my births or if you want to ask me questions about specific “stages” of delivery, feel free to leave me a comment.