A Second Child

In this article, I want to share my thoughts, fears, and doubts related to the arrival of our second child, our little girl. I’ll also explain how it went for us and how I’m feeling.

When I learned I was pregnant with our second child, I was obviously overjoyed. At first, I had little apprehension—"just" the fear of a miscarriage. But as the months passed and we reached the third trimester, stress started to set in. How would our son react? Despite talking to him a lot about the baby in Mommy’s belly, did he have any real understanding of what was about to happen? We always spoke of his sister as a gift, but would she really be one for him? What if he felt abandoned? Wouldn’t I have less time for him? And wouldn’t I have less time for my daughter than I had with my son during his first months? Would our little boy resent me for this huge change in our lives? Would he understand that I have enough room in my heart to love two children? Would it be too difficult to have two kids just 18 months apart? Would I manage to take good care of them? Maybe I should have enjoyed a few more months with my son alone?

So many questions, uncertainties, stress, "what ifs," and "how to's."

The first few weeks were a bit difficult. My son wanted his daddy a lot, and he rejected me. It was subtle, but it’s what I felt. There was even a moment when I felt angry at my daughter. As if it were her fault that my first baby was drifting away from me. But as the months went by, everything started to settle down, thanks to a kinesiology session and also thanks to us and time. Time does everything—patience.

We had to adjust to being a family of four. We had to find a new rhythm. But it was probably the hardest for my son: accepting that he had to share both Mommy and Daddy, and that he was no longer the only one occupying our hearts and arms. I felt guilty at times, making him go through this.

Then I quickly saw that our son was in love with his little sister. He quickly wanted to help give her a bottle, bring us her pants to dress her, give her kisses, and cuddle her. I was able to calm down and tell myself that, even though his sister’s arrival wasn’t all happiness at first and it took some time to adjust, he was able to love her right away.

For me, the hardest part was probably accepting that I couldn’t be everywhere at once and do everything at the same time. Right after giving birth, I wanted to act as if my body had already recovered, even though it takes time. I carried my son a lot, went for walks with him. Then the pain and fear of organ prolapse caught up with me, and I had to calm down. But how frustrating it was not to be able to carry my first child as much while holding my daughter so often. When one of them cried, how to choose who to comfort first? Or when both were hungry or needed to nap at the same time, how to organize?

It was after three months that I began to trust my role as a mother of two children. I found my rhythm and routines that worked for both my children and me. All the questions, the “what ifs” and “how to’s,” gradually disappeared. I realized I had no choice but to do things one step at a time. Sometimes my son has to wait, and the next time it’s my daughter. I had to accept that I only have two arms, two legs, and one brain (which is in overdrive all day). Not everything is always easy in my role as a mother, but time has helped. For all four of us, things gradually fell into place with patience and, of course, a lot of work. I also accepted that the fact that I don’t have as much time for my daughter as I had for my son is totally okay. She’s only known this: a life with an older brother.

So, if you're stressing about the arrival of your second baby, know that everything will be fine. Maybe right away, maybe after two months, or six months, or a year, but one day everything will fall into place. You managed with one child, and you’ll manage with two. Maybe even more easily, who knows? It’s normal to have doubts and fears. A child is such a life-changer. But with time and trust in yourself and your children, everything will be fine.